Starting to lose my grip as Covid-19 fucks with my head
December 7 2020 | Tagged: Mexico
Wade Shepard of Vagabond Journey told me to me to 'hang in there'. Sometimes I am not sure it's even possible any more.
Travelling during the Coronavirus pandemic has become a never-ending emotional rollercoaster.
People are posting about how they wish they were travelling, either because they can't leave their home other than for an hour a day or the government has stopped them from flying out through fear of having to self-quarantine on their return or simply by shutting the borders and/or airports.
I get it that you are going stir crazy. I am doing what you would like to be doing and I am going stir crazy too. You are not alone.
People, I tell you, you do not want to be travelling right now. What you are wishing for is based on how you remember how travelling used to be.
Travelling is no longer the same!
I left home on this trip with more than one hundred dreams in my head when the Coronavirus was still in Wuhan. 11 months later I am still on the road.
Everyone’s dream eh. Endless vacation, freedom, better than being in lockdown in your own home.
Let me spoil the fun for you. Travelling (for me at least and I am used to dealing with a lot of crap) during this pandemic is (mostly) not fun. The #NewNormal sucks like hell!
Travelling alone as a low budget backpacker who regularly travels 'off the beaten track', ain't always easy. Dirty, noisy, bug-infested hotels, horrendous bus journeys, and the further you go, the worse the roads get.
You get sick but you still have to fend for yourself. I remember in Southern Thailand, I'd just got back on to the mainland from Ko Lanta. I ate some dodgy eggs. I could feel something wasn't right. I arrived in Satun and the guy at the hotel was following protocol: "passport", "please, I need to use the bathroom", "no, passport first". I ran to the street, dropped my pants and shat there and then on the sidewalk. Shit happens. Literally.
He gave me my room. I curled up and went to sleep. I woke to the sound of him knocking and wanting me to check-in. I pulled on my pants. I went downstairs and checked in.
I needed to drink something. You can hardly stand yet you know what you must do.
I went to the pharmacy and here in a small border town in Thailand back in 2001, the lady spoke English. I asked her for some Norophlaxacin, a bog-standard anti-biotic listed in my fake Thailand Lonely Planet.
I popped some pills, and the next day, I felt strangely ok and travelled by boat to Kuala Perlis in Malaysia. This experience was not fun. Not fun at all; when you are living it.
But I kinda remember it all and think, wow, that was crazy. There were no smartphones to 'call a friend', you just dealt with it because that's how things used to be.
I am not painting a very good picture of this life that I lead, am I? But I tell you, these mishaps are what make the journey. Travellers will 'boast' about how long they were holed up with shits or compete for the worlds 'worst bus ride'.
At the time when you are dealing with it, life can be quite tough but as soon as you have recovered, had a good sleep, you will be looking back on it and putting it down to yet another experience. Laughing about it.
It's not fun riding the iron-ore train across Mauritania when you are actually doing it. It's a pretty hardcore journey, especially when you end up in Zouerat, having missed the ‘stop’. But when you've had a shower and have a cold beer (if you can find one) in your hand, you'll be looking back and smiling to yourself, about how much fun that was. Trust me, I rode that train, and yes, it was a mental journey but one I still look back on and think, man, that was wicked!
And on how frustrating it can be trying to get visas on the road. But the joy you feel when your passport comes back.
But I tell you, I will never be retelling my stories about how fun it was travelling during Covid-19.
Now the simple act of going to the next town involves getting temperature checked and you live with the fear you will be running ‘hot’.
Flying to the next country may require the need for a test before you go or on arrival or sometimes both. You do not want to come back covid+.
I've just ‘escaped' from Turkey as it was just starting to lockdown again. The 14-hour flight was packed! One Russian lady was refusing to wear her mask. We were that close to aborting take-off. I hope she is barred from travelling.
I don't wanna talk about their effectiveness here but rules are rules and if wearing a mask protects me and others from spreading any germs to the next person or them passing their germs onto me, by just 10%, I will happily wear multiple masks for the duration.
I believe it's the right thing to do and I feel safer when I and everyone else is wearing one.
I hope I am strong enough that Covid won’t affect me. But I really don't want to be the one that gets pulled over and told, “You’ve tested positive”.
Some days I feel weird. It doesn't help that I am sleeping bad or staying in polluted cities and most days I am finding another thing to worry about:
My bank with their ill-thought-out ideas, my dad going back into hospital, my DA dropping, my stats on GA doing nothing. All the time with this dream that my blog can support my travels.
I run up the stairs to my room on the 6th floor and think, shit, I can't breathe but then I remember I am at 2200m asl here in CDMX. I lived in Switzerland at around 2000m. I know this feeling.
It's always on my mind, 'do I have covid?' I still have a sense of smell and taste (a lack of sense of humour is not a covid-19 symptom). I am getting what I think are panic attacks. These are scary. Breathing issues related to Covid would be constant and infinitely more apparent.
On my travels, I have always stayed in traveller hostels or hotels. I like their set up. I don't mind sleeping in dorm rooms. I like being able to make my own coffee in the morning and cook simple meals. I like the vibe. Chatting with other travellers. For me that is fun. I don't have to be sociable all the time but I can as and when I need to be.
I have always loved the times when out alone all day and come back to the hostel and be surrounded by people, telling tall stories. OK, that was before the invention of the smartphone. Back in the day when people used to talk to the person next to them.
Having ended up having to isolate in Skopje cos a lad in my room returned a positive test result, I said, ‘no more dorms'. I did break that rule twice. And for the nervous energy it used up it probably wasn’t worth it.
I am in Mexico City CDMX. It has a very high population density. There are a lot of cases here. Any more than other places? Probably not, except they are testing lots of people and these guys wielding the temperature zappers must be finding many people with Covid. No one was temperature zapping in Turkey or anywhere in the Balkans as a day to day measure. Here, just walking around and going into a store, I can get zapped 3 or 4 times a day.
I would also rather walk than take the metro, especially during the busier hours. I am no longer out of my comfort zone here. I have ridden the metro, I have wandered around the market. No one takes the slightest bit of interest in me. I am starting to feel comfortable here.
But just like for my ‘no dorm rule', being in a packed subway car is a little too risky.
***
I am writing this at a time when morale is a bit low and yup, I feel lonely. This is the best time to write about stuff that’s running around inside your head. It helps clear your mind.
Staying in a private room is great, but not doing it every night for weeks on end. I miss the interaction. But it would be more manageable without the worries out on the street.
I am heading for the coast soon. I am planning to stay awhile and hope to find a traveller type of place that has private rooms. It's going to be hot so there will always be lots of fresh air. I can deal with that. Being in a communal kitchen with others with the door shut as it's cold out, is not something I feel comfortable with.
On my travels, I like to get a massage once in a while. This is either no longer possible or simply no longer a good idea.
I would like to have a hug. I would like to kiss some girl. I need to get laid. It's been a way to long.
I want life to go back to how it was (Plebs and flashpackers can stay at home forever).
I don't mind wearing a mask nor the constant sanitizing. Even for the most part, social distancing is ok. I wonder how it is going in China where people when queuing up would literally stand on the back of my flip flops. I don't miss that.
Yes, there are good days. I had a great time in Albania. Mostly in Durres. I was happy there. No one wore a mask. Lots of sea breezes, any microbes were carried away by the wind. Covid-19 was not in your face 24/7.
The Theth to Valbona hike was so amazing. I enjoyed Ohrid without the masses. Let's forget the isolation period in Skopje. Cappadocia, I made some good friends there, Şanlıurfa, the hospitable Kurdish people.
And now Mexico. I am travelling to my 98th country. Who would have thought that? Not me for sure!
It's hard not to let the good times be overshadowed by this life we find ourselves living in.
Wade told me to 'hang in there'. I went out looking for a place to get a beer and tacos. It was hard deciphering the menus and I felt frustrated as I couldn't get my message across. I gave up and went to the store and drank alone in my hotel room.
Many times I have asked myself if I am going crazy or if I have depression. I ponder the difference between being depressed and just being simply pissed off or just plain sad.
Some days I feel I have lost all my confidence it took 28 years to build. And the next moment I feel as strong as an ox. It's a fucking horrendous emotional, never-ending roller coaster.
But with the vaccine starting to be rolled out, the light at the end of the infinitely long tunnel starts to get a little brighter.
So to those who wish they were travelling, just wait a while longer. We've got this!
Travelling during the Coronavirus pandemic has become a never-ending emotional rollercoaster.
People are posting about how they wish they were travelling, either because they can't leave their home other than for an hour a day or the government has stopped them from flying out through fear of having to self-quarantine on their return or simply by shutting the borders and/or airports.
I get it that you are going stir crazy. I am doing what you would like to be doing and I am going stir crazy too. You are not alone.
People, I tell you, you do not want to be travelling right now. What you are wishing for is based on how you remember how travelling used to be.
Travelling is no longer the same!
I left home on this trip with more than one hundred dreams in my head when the Coronavirus was still in Wuhan. 11 months later I am still on the road.
Everyone’s dream eh. Endless vacation, freedom, better than being in lockdown in your own home.
Let me spoil the fun for you. Travelling (for me at least and I am used to dealing with a lot of crap) during this pandemic is (mostly) not fun. The #NewNormal sucks like hell!
Travelling alone as a low budget backpacker who regularly travels 'off the beaten track', ain't always easy. Dirty, noisy, bug-infested hotels, horrendous bus journeys, and the further you go, the worse the roads get.
You get sick but you still have to fend for yourself. I remember in Southern Thailand, I'd just got back on to the mainland from Ko Lanta. I ate some dodgy eggs. I could feel something wasn't right. I arrived in Satun and the guy at the hotel was following protocol: "passport", "please, I need to use the bathroom", "no, passport first". I ran to the street, dropped my pants and shat there and then on the sidewalk. Shit happens. Literally.
He gave me my room. I curled up and went to sleep. I woke to the sound of him knocking and wanting me to check-in. I pulled on my pants. I went downstairs and checked in.
I needed to drink something. You can hardly stand yet you know what you must do.
I went to the pharmacy and here in a small border town in Thailand back in 2001, the lady spoke English. I asked her for some Norophlaxacin, a bog-standard anti-biotic listed in my fake Thailand Lonely Planet.
I popped some pills, and the next day, I felt strangely ok and travelled by boat to Kuala Perlis in Malaysia. This experience was not fun. Not fun at all; when you are living it.
But I kinda remember it all and think, wow, that was crazy. There were no smartphones to 'call a friend', you just dealt with it because that's how things used to be.
I am not painting a very good picture of this life that I lead, am I? But I tell you, these mishaps are what make the journey. Travellers will 'boast' about how long they were holed up with shits or compete for the worlds 'worst bus ride'.
At the time when you are dealing with it, life can be quite tough but as soon as you have recovered, had a good sleep, you will be looking back on it and putting it down to yet another experience. Laughing about it.
It's not fun riding the iron-ore train across Mauritania when you are actually doing it. It's a pretty hardcore journey, especially when you end up in Zouerat, having missed the ‘stop’. But when you've had a shower and have a cold beer (if you can find one) in your hand, you'll be looking back and smiling to yourself, about how much fun that was. Trust me, I rode that train, and yes, it was a mental journey but one I still look back on and think, man, that was wicked!
And on how frustrating it can be trying to get visas on the road. But the joy you feel when your passport comes back.
But I tell you, I will never be retelling my stories about how fun it was travelling during Covid-19.
Now the simple act of going to the next town involves getting temperature checked and you live with the fear you will be running ‘hot’.
Flying to the next country may require the need for a test before you go or on arrival or sometimes both. You do not want to come back covid+.
I've just ‘escaped' from Turkey as it was just starting to lockdown again. The 14-hour flight was packed! One Russian lady was refusing to wear her mask. We were that close to aborting take-off. I hope she is barred from travelling.
I don't wanna talk about their effectiveness here but rules are rules and if wearing a mask protects me and others from spreading any germs to the next person or them passing their germs onto me, by just 10%, I will happily wear multiple masks for the duration.
I believe it's the right thing to do and I feel safer when I and everyone else is wearing one.
I hope I am strong enough that Covid won’t affect me. But I really don't want to be the one that gets pulled over and told, “You’ve tested positive”.
Some days I feel weird. It doesn't help that I am sleeping bad or staying in polluted cities and most days I am finding another thing to worry about:
My bank with their ill-thought-out ideas, my dad going back into hospital, my DA dropping, my stats on GA doing nothing. All the time with this dream that my blog can support my travels.
I run up the stairs to my room on the 6th floor and think, shit, I can't breathe but then I remember I am at 2200m asl here in CDMX. I lived in Switzerland at around 2000m. I know this feeling.
It's always on my mind, 'do I have covid?' I still have a sense of smell and taste (a lack of sense of humour is not a covid-19 symptom). I am getting what I think are panic attacks. These are scary. Breathing issues related to Covid would be constant and infinitely more apparent.
On my travels, I have always stayed in traveller hostels or hotels. I like their set up. I don't mind sleeping in dorm rooms. I like being able to make my own coffee in the morning and cook simple meals. I like the vibe. Chatting with other travellers. For me that is fun. I don't have to be sociable all the time but I can as and when I need to be.
I have always loved the times when out alone all day and come back to the hostel and be surrounded by people, telling tall stories. OK, that was before the invention of the smartphone. Back in the day when people used to talk to the person next to them.
Having ended up having to isolate in Skopje cos a lad in my room returned a positive test result, I said, ‘no more dorms'. I did break that rule twice. And for the nervous energy it used up it probably wasn’t worth it.
I am in Mexico City CDMX. It has a very high population density. There are a lot of cases here. Any more than other places? Probably not, except they are testing lots of people and these guys wielding the temperature zappers must be finding many people with Covid. No one was temperature zapping in Turkey or anywhere in the Balkans as a day to day measure. Here, just walking around and going into a store, I can get zapped 3 or 4 times a day.
I would also rather walk than take the metro, especially during the busier hours. I am no longer out of my comfort zone here. I have ridden the metro, I have wandered around the market. No one takes the slightest bit of interest in me. I am starting to feel comfortable here.
But just like for my ‘no dorm rule', being in a packed subway car is a little too risky.
***
I am writing this at a time when morale is a bit low and yup, I feel lonely. This is the best time to write about stuff that’s running around inside your head. It helps clear your mind.
Staying in a private room is great, but not doing it every night for weeks on end. I miss the interaction. But it would be more manageable without the worries out on the street.
I am heading for the coast soon. I am planning to stay awhile and hope to find a traveller type of place that has private rooms. It's going to be hot so there will always be lots of fresh air. I can deal with that. Being in a communal kitchen with others with the door shut as it's cold out, is not something I feel comfortable with.
On my travels, I like to get a massage once in a while. This is either no longer possible or simply no longer a good idea.
I would like to have a hug. I would like to kiss some girl. I need to get laid. It's been a way to long.
I want life to go back to how it was (Plebs and flashpackers can stay at home forever).
I don't mind wearing a mask nor the constant sanitizing. Even for the most part, social distancing is ok. I wonder how it is going in China where people when queuing up would literally stand on the back of my flip flops. I don't miss that.
Yes, there are good days. I had a great time in Albania. Mostly in Durres. I was happy there. No one wore a mask. Lots of sea breezes, any microbes were carried away by the wind. Covid-19 was not in your face 24/7.
The Theth to Valbona hike was so amazing. I enjoyed Ohrid without the masses. Let's forget the isolation period in Skopje. Cappadocia, I made some good friends there, Şanlıurfa, the hospitable Kurdish people.
And now Mexico. I am travelling to my 98th country. Who would have thought that? Not me for sure!
It's hard not to let the good times be overshadowed by this life we find ourselves living in.
Wade told me to 'hang in there'. I went out looking for a place to get a beer and tacos. It was hard deciphering the menus and I felt frustrated as I couldn't get my message across. I gave up and went to the store and drank alone in my hotel room.
Many times I have asked myself if I am going crazy or if I have depression. I ponder the difference between being depressed and just being simply pissed off or just plain sad.
Some days I feel I have lost all my confidence it took 28 years to build. And the next moment I feel as strong as an ox. It's a fucking horrendous emotional, never-ending roller coaster.
But with the vaccine starting to be rolled out, the light at the end of the infinitely long tunnel starts to get a little brighter.
So to those who wish they were travelling, just wait a while longer. We've got this!